Marriage and Money

You might be thinking that these two terms shouldn’t be in the same sentence. It’s just asking for trouble, right? But money and marriage literally go hand-in-hand. If you’re married, you definitely know this. If you’re married and you don’t know this, you’re probably in some hot water right now.

I recently read an article regarding marriage and money in U.S News & World Report. It was extremely interesting mainly because they interviewed an ordained minster who was also a money and debt consultant.

Is money different for married couples versus single people?
[Once you're married], you have to understand now that you're responsible to another person. You can't just think of it as 'my money,' even if you have separate accounts. Both of you are responsible for the overall household. If one of you think it's just your money, the household will fall apart.

Do you think married couples should maintain separate accounts?
We have separate accounts for pampering each other, but not for household money. Before, if he tried to pamper me, I would say, 'Where did that money come from?' since I was in charge of managing the money. So I recommend a separate account for that factor. Also, if you are bringing debt in the marriage, that should stay separate until you figure it out.

That way, you don't have to feel like, 'Honey, can you give me an allowance?' You'll go crazy like that. I have gone and made arrangements for our anniversary and made hotel reservations and he didn't know. For Father's Day, I made arrangements for him to go to a photography seminar next month. And he'll bring me flowers with that separate money. We allow that freedom because we talk; there are no secrets.

What if only one person earns money in the family, does that same system work?
When we were in that situation, I made sure I left a signed check in the house, so if anything came up, they could handle it. It's still the household money, not one person's money.

What are common mistakes married people make with their money?
If somebody gets their feelings hurt, they go and shop out of emotion, so they're creating new bills without addressing what was done to hurt their feelings. The problem is still here. Another thing that's common is the one who makes the most money thinks they can dictate the household, because they think it's my money and not ours.

Do you think getting married can improve people's finances?
It can. It did for us. My husband and I both come into our marriage in debt. When you're a giver, like I am, you have to learn to set boundaries. He was a shopper, so I was the best person to manage our money. We formulated a plan and said, 'We'll be out of debt in 5 years.' We did it in 2.5 years. We had $30,000 in debt and were making $20,000, and we paid everybody off.

What should engaged couples talk about before they get married?
What existing debt do you have? What student loans? What car payments that parents will stop paying? Are you about to lose your car? If you have a child, do you have child support? You can't hold anything against the person prior to your getting married -- you were not there. We all make mistakes. Forgive yourself for financial mistakes that you made; you were not taught how to mange money.


Maybe it’s because I’m right in the midst of planning my own wedding and my thoughts are clouded with invitations, payments, DJ’s, tastings, payments, flowers and more payments, but marriage and money is something that should be talked about more often.

I mean, you cannot go into a marriage with debt and not discuss it. You cannot go into a marriage without deciding what to do about your finances, your checking and savings accounts, your bills, and your play money. It’s nearly impossible to have a cohesive marriage and not discuss money and debt.

The funny thing about marriage, money and debt is that credit counseling and marriage counseling are not that different. In one situation you learn to communicate and balance your differences. In the other you learn to balance your checkbook.

Money and debt will leave you jaded, broken, poor, and unable to have a successful future when you’re stuck with bad credit for many years. Ironically, a failed marriage can leave you jaded, broken, extremely poor, and unable to have a successful future for many years until the sting is gone.